Ya know, every now and then a girl just wants to feel hot. Even the hottest chick out there needs that boost. A friend of mine, by most standards doesn’t have a “sexy” body. I think she’s gorgeous but she probably some make it into next month’s Victoria Secret catalog. But every now and then she dresses up in something sexy (like tonights corset and short shorts) and her hubby takes pics of her.
I mentioned to my man that I wish we did that. What was his response? Something along the lines of “I’m sorry I’m an ass hole”
Well fuck me running. That’s not what I meant. It was a not so subtle hint that it would be nice if he thought I was sexy enough to snap a sexy pic of me every now and then.
I’ve tried explaining that while most of the time I act like one of the guys, I still wanna feel like a sexy woman when its him and I.
In the end my friend ended up offering to take the pics of me. Not even close to the same thing, but it’ll be fun. And no…not nudes. Just me dressed up with hair and makeup done.
Oh well. I’m putting on night pants and going the fuck to sleep.
Ok, so I’ve been searching and searching for jobs I can do from home, except the legit ones are all BS. Call center? I don’t have a home phone, so THAT won’t work. I mean honestly, who the hell has a home phone (well, if you’re under the age of 45 that is) Other than that? Nope, no legit business I can do from home. Geesh. This sucks. So I’m giving this Kidalog thing a try. We’ll see how it works. I basically post a banner on here and get 10% of sales from my banner clicks. Whatever. Not like enough people follow me on here anyway. How the hell do you get followers on here? I mean, I know I have to right about STUFF but most STUFF is already being covered by millions of people already. Who gives a flying fuck about my rude loud-mouthed opinion on recipes? or advice on parenting? or pinterest fails? I mean, why can’t me being rude and loud-mouthed be enough to get a bajillion followers on here? I find me funny. I laugh at my jokes on a daily basis. Eh fuck it, I’m going have some beers now.
Ok, that’s it! I quit! I’ve decided I’m completely and utterly hair retarded!
What’s simpler than TWISTING HAIR?? A fucking special needs drunken monkey could do it. But nope. I am less talented than a special needs drunken monkey.
I twisted my freaking hair trying to do a stupid simplified messy fishbone braid until my freaking head hurt. Ok, I get it, I have shoulder length hair. But the stupid tutorial was MADE for shorter hair. That’s why she modified it. But shit just did NOT work.
I’m very frustrated. I’ve been trying to fix my hair more (But all I can manage is straight limp hair…and it always ends up flipping in weird directions minutes after I finish it) and trying to put on makeup (which always ends in me wasting half my liquid liner because I have basically just resigned to painting a huge black line around my eye and wiping off the excess…because that’s the only way I know how to do it) And false lashes? Forget that. Over an hour I tried to stick those bad boys on. Poked myself in the eye with both my finger AND the tweezers.
This is just ridiculous. I’m a freaking female for fuck’s sake. I am trying really hard to “be” pretty. I know make-up doesn’t make you pretty or whatever, it’s just paint. But I feel pretty when I dress up, and if I feel pretty eventually I’ll believe I’m pretty. But NOPE. God did not grace me with the ability to fucking do stuff most females have to do to feel pretty. Forever the ugly fucking duckling I guess. I’m going to get drunk. That’s close enough to feeling pretty to me.
Fuck you mother nature.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my stuff. But it’s just stuff. I keep the pictures so when I’m old and grey and can’t remember faces, I’ll know what my children, friends, family looked like. But they are just pictures. For now, the images of their faces are etched into my memory, and that’s all I need. Even my mother, beautiful and regal, crude with the mouth of a sailor…a study of contradictions, a seemingly simple yet very complex woman. It’s been over ten years since I last laid eyes on her. And I remember every laugh line. She loved to laugh.
Sorry, getting all mushy…
The point is, the people are important. Not the things. Never forget that. I would trade a million pictures of my mother, every single thing I own, every cent I had to have one more day with her. To sit down now, the person I’ve become, with her and a bottle of wine. Value those you hold dear, and even the ones you don’t. They’ve helped mold you into who you are, and they are gone all too soon.
I’ve been thinking lately of blogging more. There’s this blog out there of a chick who tries all these different things from Pinterest. I’ve determined she’s a royal eff up. I’ve tried quite a few pins that all turned out well when you have the proper stuff.
So I’m thinking if I can get my blog to take off, I’ll go ahead and start trying out different pins and blogging about it. Who out there gives a shit?…
NO BAKING!! Girl Scout Thin Mints without the baking … and without the Girl Scouts!! Thin Mints, any time, any where … oooooo glorious!
I am one very blessed individual. Just wanted to throw that out there.
I’m pleased with the person I’ve become. I look through the years at the changes I’ve undergone, the transformation from child to adult has been immense. I almost can not recognize the person I’ve become. But the near-stranger I see looking back at me from the mirror doesn’t scare me. I’ve grown to love that person. Not something I could have said just a few short years ago.
The life I’ve built, the family I’ve made, took a lot of work. But it was worth every single second of pain it took to get me to this place.
I’ve become, at least I hope, a woman my mother would be proud of. And I couldn’t have done it without all the people in my life. So thank you. Good and bad, friends and enemies. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it were not for you.
OMG, All I can say is: Best. Proposal. EVER!